Ivy's Sunday Ramblings 03/01/26

I could start by attempting to make a grand and verbose statement on recent events and the overall terrifying state of both this country and the word as we live through the ever tightening grips of fascism and endless global conflict, but much better people have covered these things much better than I ever could attempt to do so. Needless to say, fuck ICE, fuck fascism, fuck war, fuck the indiscriminate murder of innocent people, fuck this government.

In terms of new PEN-15 b-sides album. So, official announcement coming soon, but - "BESIDES OURSELVES" WILL BE DROPPING DIGITALLY APRIL 3RD AND IS AVAILABLE TO PRE-ORDER ON VINYL NOW!! Ch-ch-check it out!

Also, The Ivy Project (not the real name) will ALSO be ready soon! Hopefully "a month after the PEN-15 b-sides album" soon(!).

I also managed to listen to Leave Home properly for the first time since we released it. Objectively, I'm happy with the songs themselves but I do wish we'd let it cook a bit longer in terms of recording, mixing, mastering etc. Suze obviously handled it like a champ, considering, but I do feel a bit bad. But hey, in the midst of a borderline psychotic episode it seemed like a good idea getting it blasted out! 

I've mentioned this before, but because I was in a massive BPD episode the second half ended up real fucking dark. As such, spending the end of last year very much in recovery mode I have purposefully avoided listening to them as, I think understandably, I didn't want to relive the feelings and emotions of that time. You know what, though? Listening to them felt good. I didn't find them triggering, and I actually felt a lot of... I guess strength from them? As horrible as the time was for me personally, I'm proud of that fucking girl and, in particular the last 3, those songs absolutely kick some fucking ass.

But yeah... amongst all the keeping busy and trying to get back into gear for 2026 I've had sudden bouts of sadness creeping in over the past few weeks. Nothing major, but it will just come out of nowhere and I'm not sure why. It just makes a really nice change Ale being here though. Having someone to actually give you a hug when you feel like you need one? Total game changer.

Sadly, I have made a terrible mistake - I started vaping again. I went out for some drinks after work, someone was vaping, offered me some, and with that one puff I fell straight off the wagon. I've already decided I need to stop, though. I've hammered it way too much, my mouth has tasted of pennies again, my throat has got sore (which in the middle of recording two albums fucking shows me, right?) and, especially now having another real-life human to kiss and everything, I REALLY don't want to get oral thrush again. You can do it, Ivy.

Holy shit, Nioh 3 came out! I love the series in general and 2 is one of my absolute all time favorites, was genuinely never expecting there to be another so when 3 was announced seemingly out of nowhere I was *so* excited. I played the first demo, then played the second one at the start of Feb wayyyy too much (as in, waking up early every day and playing it for maybe 2 hours before getting ready for work). So Friday the 6th I went to the store, came back home with my shiny new copy, got it all installed, and fired it up for a quick hour ready for binging it basically all the next day. Saturday came, got out of bed early, plonked myself on the sofa, and I was enjoying it! ...and thennn my dislike of open world games started to creep in. I had the exact same thing with Elden Ring, where a series I absolutely love has gone open world and the magic formula that ticks all of my ADHD hyper focus boxes just stops working. Along with being SO excited when 3 was announced I was also worried that it had now gone open world, but then I really enjoyed the demos and figured they'd struck (for me) a good balance on it of not making the areas too big. But, of course, the area in the demo was just a small section of what turns out to be a pretty big frickin' area. Ugh. Not gonna lie, after about 10 hours of hacking and slashing my way through the real thing I started struggling to keep focus and began to dread I would lose interest. However, I am happy to report that this passed and on Saturday I finished the game! Final boss was an absolute dick but it thankfully didn't take me TOO long. New Game Plus ahoy! 🥷🏻👹

Finally listened to the new Gluecifer album and after a 22 year break since their last album they still got it! Haha shit, I realized their last album, Automatic Thrill, came out THE YEAR I WAS BORN. I didn't realize it was quite THAT much a gap, and in that context for me that's nuts. But yeah, some kick ass songs, the bass sounds killer, and I love a ton of the lyrics. Check it out!

In other music back from the eras of me being barely out of diapers and still pissing the bed, I've been on a J-rock binge listening to D'espairsRay, VAMPS (Hyde of L'arc-en-Ciel's band, not the ridiculous boy band), and lynch.. Holy shit, D'espairsRay are playing in Paris later this year and I am super tempted to try and go. 

Oh well, that's everything I have right now so peace out ✌🏻

Ivy's January Sunday Ramblings 01/25/26

Greetings from Detroit where FUCK ME IT IS COLLLLLLLLLD!! The past few days it's basically been zero degrees (that's Fahrenheit for you non USA denizens, I daren't even check what that might be in Celsius). As such, I am happily staying in winter hibernation mode for the time being, which is fine!

Outside of work, life has been mostly getting cosy with my baby, getting together with the girls when we can, and trying to maintain an internal mental safety barrier against the horrors unfolding in this country on a daily basis.

The B-sides album is coming along nicely. We're aiming for it coming out in April and we're getting ahead of the game and doing photos at some point next month. We've got some reaaaaally wild outfits in the works - did someone say FEATHERS?? (Ethically sourced, of course)

Me and Ale are happily gayed up and after the tough time she had last year she's doing good too.

💖

I did actually get out running a few times but a combination of catching a cold and THE ACTUAL INSANE COLD I've not religiously stuck to it, but that's fine. I did consider maybe going out this morning but coffee in bed won that round.

I finally managed to get around to watching Veep and mega binged the whole thing. Is it wrong that I ended up liking Jonah? For a start, he is clearly on the spectrum. Then despite the bone-headed ways he acted I didn't feel like he was actually a bad person? He clearly just wanted people to be his friend but a lifetime of being bullied had no doubt severely impacted and warped his likely already poor social skills. A lot of his behaviour was just retaliation against the people who treated him like absolute shit. You can see with the couple of people like Richard and Will who aren't rude to or abuse him that he acts perfectly fine.

Jon H Ryan - the hero we deserve

I REALLY liked Ben and Kent, too. Took me about 3 episodes to realize Marjorie was Clea DuVall (ikr?? For shame, I'm a bad gay). Had no idea Hugh Laurie was in it, which was cool seeing him play a slightly less House version of House, sans limp. Selena was actually kind of cute the first few seasons before she turned into an absolute monster. But yep, super enjoyed it! Can also weirdly say that the chaos of the finale was slightly less terrifying than reality ended up...

Finally came around to watching the new Spinal Tap movie aaaand... yeah, despite people trying to convince me otherwise, from being extremely nonplussed at the trailer it sadly was pretty much what I expected. I did laugh once at the joke about being so old the candles cost more than the cake, so that's something right?

I've started rewatching Barry! Such an amazing series. Can't remember if it's towards the end of the first series but the scene where Barry goes through a building and kills literally everyone he sees absolutely chilled me - Bill Hader is right there legit fucking terrifying. Can't wait to get to that! 

That said, rewatching it again after my diagnosis and a few episodes in I can now see that Barry *absolutely* has traits of BPD. Hmm, no wonder I really liked it the first time. In all honesty, by episode 5 I did experience some kind of triggering resonance and felt some sudden dissociation. The BPD has very much been laying low these past few months so it was the first time Ale had been around me when anything was creeping in but she said my eyes looked different and quite "anxious and unsettled". Huh.

Anyways. On a lighter note... news on the Ivy Project (as Suze has christened it)! Me and Suze have actually started demoing and getting things together and man, it sounds really interesting(!). Word of warning, it's VERY electronic based. Absolutely not a PEN-15 album. That said, Suze is obviously involved and Mercedes and Donna are respectively going to put some bass and drums on it, so in a way it kiiiiiind of will be...? Regardless, it's going to be fun!

I really need to listen to the new Robyn single but, on a totally random recommendation, I have instead been listening to Shelby Lynne. Yep, your gal is currently on a soul-infused country trip and really enjoying it.

Anyways, I finally did a blog, so go me! Hope all is well and safe for you and this is Ivy Fernandez, signing off 🖤 x

Helloooo, 2026 🎉🎇

Good morning and Happy New Year!

I hope you are safe and well, dear reader, and had a great holidays.

Happy to say I had a really nice break over Christmas seeing my family, hanging with the girls, and spending lots of time with Aly. On New Year's Eve we went to watch the fireworks by the river. It was cold as shit but the prettiness of the fireworks and spending it with the best girl made it totally worth it. Praise be to space heaters!

Back to work tomorrow and me and the girls will be getting back on with PEN-15 this week too.

So what's lined up for this year? Well we're getting straight on with the b-sides album. We're hoping for having that out March or April time?

Then there's the stuff I've been writing for myself. Suze and me got together over Christmas and it's starting to come together. We'll be working on that around PEN-15 activities but it's sounding really interesting so far! I've got an album's worth of stuff and I'm *hoping* to aim for May with that (happy birthday to me!).

Past that, there will likely be PEN-15 album #4 later in the year. We also think it would be good to look at remastering or rerecording some of our earlier stuff at some point, but one step at a time...

For the time being I might still not be blogging on a totally regular basis either. Not in a bad way, but I'm just in a very insular and cosy mode right now and the ADHD has been mostly at rest.

Anyways, I wish you all the best for the year ahead and don't be a stranger!

Ivy x

Ivy's Sunday Ramblings 12/21/25

Some big news on a personal level thaaaaaat Aly and me have stated dating. I know, I know, I absolutely realise and appreciate that on paper it could maybe look really bad that I've taken in a woman in her hour of need only to end up hooking up with her. I'd be raising my eyebrow at that one too, if I'm honest. I get it. However, hand on heart, it was absolutely not like that in the slightest. 

A bit of a recap for those of you at the back. So, not to tell someone else's story, but from my point of view at least I cannot sleep comfortably at night knowing when my friends are going through some bad shit, moreso if said person does not have any family or anyone to really look out for them. No doubt from my wannabe-nun-disposition, I just didn't want her to be stuck in her apartment on her own dealing with everything she's been going through, and that's genuinely the only reason I suggested she come and stay for a while, and come and stay she did.

But yeah, I obviously wasn't going to just throw her the PlayStation controller and fuck off out to get my jollies while she sat in a strange apartment, climbing up the walls from feeling like total crap, so we've spent a lot of time together hanging out and doing things. Aaaand the more time we spent together, the more things started to feel a bit... different? Like, when you realise you're looking into each other's eyes slightly longer than you were the week before? And you're sometimes awkwardly biting the corner of your lip when you talk to each other? Yeah, those kinds of cute, mushy, butterflies in the tummy-type things. So it's all been totally organic with no ulterior motives by either party. Just the serendipity of a couple of gals living with each other who ended up really getting the hots for each other.

Haha I mean, dios mio, when we went to my parents for Thanksgiving, in the kitchen whilst we were taking in dishes, my mom took me aside and said "mija, so how long have you two been together?" and she would NOT believe me when I said we weren't (which we actually weren't). My sister, la perra, also had the most shit-eating smirk looking at us the whole time. I was honestly sat feeling like my eyeballs were going to burn a hole through her stupid, greasy head. But yep, there you have it. At least that's the whole meeting the parents thing preemptively out of the way!

I mean we'd clearly started having feelings for each other but with everything that's been happening and then things taking a turn with Aly needing surgery and then the subsequent recovery we really held off of acting on anything - it would just not have felt appropriate. As things started picking up though, then... yeah, we were finally able to stop dancing around it, and there you go.

Am I oversharing? Probably. Am I being a bit braggy? Abso-fucking-lutely. But honestly, after how emotionally desolating this year has been, I think I've earned that, thank you. I mean, I actually feel happy for the first time in a lonnnng time. And not some kind of manic, or fake BPD illusion of happiness, just... warm, deep down, genuine, happiness. So yes, brag I absolutely shall.

Oh yeah, and PEN-15 also just brought out our Christmas b-side about me being happy everyone leaving me the eff alone at Christmas, huh? Yeah, gonna have to be taking that one back, too. That shows you, you dumb-ass Grincha.

But yeah, Christmas in a few days, and I am extremely happy at the prospect of not waking up staring into the void feeling utterly dead inside! Who'da thunk it?? A full-on Christmas freakin' miracle!

Please know that, wherever you are, you are very much loved, and I am sending much love to all my homies all around the world (Minä ymmärrän sinua, Suomi!). 

From the gayest pair of gals in Detroit,

¡Feliz Navidad! 

(*And full disclosure, this has alllll been shared with consent.)

Ivy's Sunday Ramblings 12/07/25

This week it has mostly been as cold as balls here in Detroit. Thankfully this insufferable cold hasn't impacted band activities as our band room is nice and heated. I know, I know, we're total punk rock sellouts. 

We're still working our way through the b-sides songs and it's all shaping up nicely. We're trying to get as much together as we can before taking a short break before Christmas then getting back on it in the new year.

Past that, there has been no action and adventure as I've been looking after Aly all week after she had her surgery on Monday. The situation doesn't really lend itself to much except rest and recovery, so chilling on the sofa binging box sets for cosiness and/or nostalgia has pretty much been the go to, which is fine. Hopefully things will start easing up some through the coming week but it's one day at a time for now.

Likely that next week will be more of the same so, bar anything that pops in my head, I will likely hold off from blogging if it means just repeating myself.

Stay safe x

Ivy's Sunday Ramblings 11/30/25

Thanksgiving Booglaloo

Ok, so a bit more context to my last mention of Thanksgiving. Being Latinx and the, shall we say, "complications" around this holiday in regards to indigenous peoples of the Americas (ie. good ol' colonialism and genocide, mainly), it's a bit of a weird one for us (us, as in my family). 

We don't do it as a big thing like a lot of Americans obviously do, but still try to at least acknowledge the spirit itself of having a time to get together and be thankful for what we have and each other etc. As such, I went around to my parents for the afternoon to be merry, drink some free booze, and to stuff my face with a free, gigantic (vegan) meal. 

Awww

My mom and dad were there, my sister came around, my brother is working away so couldn't make it, and Aly came with me too. 

Me and my sister not acting like dicks! Behold the sprit of Thaksgiving!

It was a nice time, lots of family stuff and hanging out, me and my sister razzing and being dicks to each other, and my mom rolled out the metaphorical red carpet and pampered Aly, which was really sweet, especially after the total nightmare the past few weeks are being for her.

Suze, Mercedes, and Donna all had good times doing their own respective things too, which also makes me happy.

As the remaining 50% of PEN-15 not left nursing sore heads, the next day myself, Suze, along with Aly went to see Wicked: For Good and I LOVED IT!! No in-depth analysis on this one, I just had a thoroughly gay old time with my gay gal pals. Oh ok, there was one thing where Suze raised the very valid point that if you hadn't seen the Wizard of Oz then the sudden yet vague plot device of a young girl appearing from Kansas would make zero sense... So there is that.

So the week has involved doing lots of things trying to be normal, because sadly things have otherwise not been normal. Long story short, things took a turn and Aly needs surgery tomorrow. Things really seemed to be getting better and I am just fucking heartbroken for her. Will just have to take it as it goes.

Band-wise, still getting all the b-sides songs together and stuff is coming together nicely. Mercedes does lead vocals on one that her and Donna wrote fucking around while we were doing Leave Home earlier this year. It's both ridiculous and a total beast of a downtuned riff monster. It's genuinely fun someone else singing too! 

Aaaaand I may have already mentioned it, but our lil' Christmas single is OUT TOMORROW(!). Hyped for that. Another one where it's been nice to just change gears and be really dumb doing stuff for funsies.

Oh well, I guess today shall mostly be trying to do normal and nice things not thinking about whatever might lay ahead this week. Thoughts and payers, fam x

Ivy's Sunday Ramblings 11/23/25

Thanksgiving is obviously this coming week. Being Mexican, it's something that, for me on a personal level, comes with a lot of baggage and complications. That said, we always spend time together as a family so I'll be going to my parents' for the day to eat, drink, and be merry as fuck. My momma, bless her, has invited Aly (my friend who is staying over) to come, so that's really sweet. Haha, to be fair I don't think she really had a choice as my mom would have come over and essentially abducted her (in the nicest possible way). It will be fun, though, and me and my sister get to be assholes with each other, which remains one of my favourite pastimes.

In another morally and socially complicated and baggage-laden occurrence - Miss Mexico won the Miss Universe pageant, at least!! AND SHE'S A FERNANDEZ!! HAHAHA AND HAS ADHD AND DYSLEXIA!! ¡Muchas felicitaciones Fátima Bosch Fernández y Viva Mexico! 🇲🇽🎉 My stance is that while yes, events like this have originated from a very misogynistic place in the past, I'm all for women reclaiming and transforming them into actual celebrations of womanhood and female empowerment. Plus, who doesn't like getting their make-up done incredible and wearing a big, fucking amazing dress? (Well, apart from Suze). That said, this is the socialist utopia idealist part of my brain thinking. I realise that, despite the progress, there'll still be a lot of unsavoury shit that goes on with something like this, and no doubt a ton of men still with their grubby hands all over it. Still, one small step for women, I guess...

Needed to take Aly to the UCC again last Sunday, Wednesday, and yesterday morning. Bless her, it's been such a shit and borderline terrifying week but hopefully after yesterday we're now a bit more in the clear, though... With all the waiting on Sunday it ended up a late night so I just thought fuck it and booked the week off work. Past the horrible yet necessary medical back and forths, we've otherwise tried to make the most of the week and maintain some semblance of normality, and one day we went to see the new The Running Man. 

I'm... not gonna lie, I found it a bit boring? I think it weirdly ended up showing that the original film being a much less faithful adaptation of the novel actually works in its favour; changing the goal to survive 3 hours resulted in a 90+ minute movie that keeps a non-stop, dramatic pace, whereas this one opting to faithfully do 30 days over 230 minutes felt like it led to a LOT of pacing issues (well, from my ADHD perspective). Plus, there felt like wayyyy too many plot points that were just insanely convenient for convenience's sake (plus Richards' bag of stuff to do his recordings kept randomly disappearing and reappearing too?). And, while it tried to be, I... just didn't find it funny? The lines felt way too forced, and it also felt thematically that it didn't really hit the mark on any attempts at satire and social commentary like the first film had in spades. Josh Brolin was also weirdly likeable (to me) as Killian, instead of being the gigantic asshole in the OG adaptation. And most disappointingly of all, the massive underutilization of Katy O'Brian irked my gayness greatly.

So what DID I like in it? Haha, the porno mag called TITZ, for one. Katy O'Brian (for what screen time she got). Michael Cera very enthusiastically pumping a water gun in THE most disconcerting way was definitely a vibe (though had no idea if the story of his dad dying was supposed to be serious or funny - very Phoebe Cates' dad dying up the chimney in Gremlins). Lee Pace is of course always a delight. And when Bobby T explained to Killian that his contract included a tiny clause that said "FUCK YOU" (I legit snorted at that). Past that... it beat being at work, I guess?

I did read an article too re the Richard Bachman persona Stephen King wrote The Running Man and other novels under, what necessitated that, the resulting mythos that's evolved from that character being fictitious, and now where reality has become intentionally blurred as time has gone on and the character has become part of the expanded King universe. Apparently King even wrote about this duality (in a factional capacity) in The Dark Half after he initially killed Bachman off? It does really fascinate me that characters people write can take on lives of their own and, for all intents, become living, breathing people, with their own identities and ever evolving lives and histories. I wonder if it can also be a slightly painful experience if the author becomes attached to and genuinely cares for the character? There is that saying that there's always a bit of the artist in art, so I suppose there's elements where it could be like a parent - child kind of thing? Hmm.

In PEN-15 world, our Christmas songs drop in just over a week (are you excited?!?) and we're getting on with the b-sides album, hopefully at least start some recording before Christmas. I've been carrying on keeping up with the writing for album #4 and Project Ivy too. It's been fun fucking around with Suze's synths for the latter. Have got some ideas down which are probably terrible as I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm sure Suze will be able to translate them into something more tangible. The change going from writing on guitar is exciting, though (for me). 

What other shit have I been doing that is of no concern to anyone but that I shall prattle on about anyways? 

The watching of Gundam Wing has been progressing nicely. Honestly, to say it was released only a year after G Fighter the step up in animation quality is insane. It looks SO good. The late 80s to maybe mid-late 90s is definitely my favourite period for anime. Maybe it was digital creeping in that changed everything, but for that period there's just such a quality I can't describe but I absolutely love. On the downside, as a result of the iconic opening I am now randomly breaking into singing "JUST. WILD. BEAT. COMMUNICAAAATION.", which is now probably on the verge of giving Aly some kind of nervous twitch. 

Uhhh, not sure about these subs...

We went to see the Detroit tree lighting on Friday. Despite the existential dread of an evening existing within such a gigantic convergence of the general public, the tree and lights were of course super pretty, and it was a good distraction amidst the heavier stuff of the week. However, that Detroit's favourite daughters, yours truly, were not invited to headline the ceremony's musical entertainment is, yet again, an absolute travesty. One day, Detroit! One day! 

Past listening to lots of Hayley Williams, I don't really have any musical musings for this week, so I guess that's that.

Wishing much love to all my gays and theyses this Thanksgiving. If you don't have anyone to spend it with please be kind to yourselves and know that you are loved by four gays in Detroit.

Ives x