My Gals

*holy shit, I wrote this back in August and never posted it! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Anyways, here you go *

So I thought it would hopefully be cool to talk a little bit about my chosen family, my sisters-in-arms, the Bad Bitches who, when we say the magic words and blow our magic rings, come together to form the mighty PEN-15. 

So to display no favoritism (there isn't any, they're all my favorite) I shall do it in the long established order of band-ness, which is guitar, bass, and drums. 

Suzannah
Suzannah. Suzannah Jane. Our Suze. "Susan!" when she has behaved outrageously. How to describe her to someone who has never met her? Go watch the girl Ghostbusters film, give Dr Holtzmann blue hair, make her slightly less sexually charged, and that is Suze right there. It's not even intentional, her mimicking or being influenced, that just IS her - it's freaky, but in the best possible way. 

She is, without a doubt, the smartest person I have ever and likely will ever meet. She is currently speed running a career in computer science all while juggling spending crazy amount of her time practicing guitar. She only started playing when she was 17 and literally because me, Mercedes, and Donna needed an extra guitar, and on that short time the amount she has come on in that time is nuts. She's now full-on shredding, doing crazy arpeggio sweep stuff, it makes my brain hurt. I am soooo jealous, but in the *best* possible way. 

Oh and not only that, but she plays all of our piano, keys, synth, noises, on top of doing all of our recording. She was definitely in some kind of bizarre accident when she was a child, possibly involving radiation, that gave her superpowers. 

Past being super smart and super talented, she is as straight as a damn arrow (well, character-wise, not in how she swings). She always does what is right, and is possibly the most loyal and dedicated person you will ever meet. Past her quirky exterior, she really cares deeply for people and will always go out of her way to help others, no matter how crazy busy she is. If you're her friend then you're absolutely on her ride or die list. Oh, and somewhat weirdly, she also tells the filthiest jokes. 

Mercedes 
The freakin little sister I never had!!! She started off so shy at high school, always hiding behind her hair, but once we started hanging around and yanked her out of her shell it was like we created a monster (in a good way). 

She has and continues to have so many hairstyle journeys since we started the band but realizing that when it's long so she can windmill it when she's absolutely hammering her bass, that seems to be a good fit. And since she discovered how to do full-on metal death growls that has been an experience! (Also in a good way)

She has the boundless energy of a hyperactive puppy, the loyalty to match, and suffixes basically everyone's name with "dude", regardless of their gender.

We have a special bond both being ADHDers, though our ADHD definitely feeds into each other's and we can end up being a bit of bad influence on each other... Whereas my ADHD swings up and down from a scale of one to ten, she is freaking permanently stuck on 11. How a person so dainty survives on so little sleep is insane. 

No matter how nuts and carried away she can get, you cannot help but love her - she is just the cutest green haired little maniac there ever was! 

Donna
Hahah the first girl I kissed! We were just fooling around but a very formative experience for both of us, and nothing has ever been weird, we've always been the best of friends. 

I actually met Donna first out of all the girls. We met at elementary school when her family came over from Serbia. As she was still learning English and I was doing my best not to mangle it, we naturally bonded as "those kids who don't speak English good". 

And let me tell you, that girl is as cool as fucking cucumber. She could have had it really hard growing up but she absolutely does not take any shit. She's so full of that Eastern European pride and toughness you could pour her sweat into your car's gas tank and easily get 50 miles to the gallon. 

She is super friendly to a fault, loves to talk and will sit intently and listen to all of your problems and what you've got going on, but has absolutely no time for rude people (fair). Her family are some of the nicest people I've ever met and they have looked after me so much over the years.

Despite being one of us alternative punk weirdos at school, she has always been super sporty. At school she played lacrosse, ran track, and even today if she's not beating the ever loving shit out of her drums you can usually find her off mountain biking somewhere. She is also freaky strong. Absolutely do not mess with her, but if you want to see a girl embarrass random guys in a bar at arm wrestling then definitely give her a holler 

Because she's so active she just doesn't have the time or inclination for internet type stuff, and (up to now) that's why she hasn't made an appearance on our blog. Which is fine! Donna just does Donna, and we wouldn't have her any other way.

She tries her best to give me a good kick up the ass when I need it too, which is always appreciated. Genuinely love her like family.

Ivy
Ha ha, you fool!! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders.

So yeah... amongst these absolute paragons of womankind, where do I fit it? Hard to say.

I've always known I liked girls, but due to insecurities around orientation, gender and my own authenticity it's only in the past few years I finally came around to feeling ok actually calling myself a lesbian.

Amongst the ADHD, BPD, CPTSD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, addiction issues, whatever the fuck else is going on inside this head, I try my best to be a good and loyal friend and always there when people need it. Again, if you're my friend, it's ride or die, hun.

I do realize I can be a bit much a times. I really do not want or need the tiny violins getting out, but living with BPD tied to rejection and abandonment trauma isn't exactly the most pleasant or the easiest way to experience life by any stretch of the imagination (and I don't think people fathom exactly HOW difficult and painful a condition it is). But I'm trying.

That said, I have a good ear for music, and I feel like I can write some pretty cool lyrics. I don't know where most of them come from, it's honestly like they're beamed into my head and *poof* we suddenly gots ourselves another song in the bag? 

And with every fibre of my heart and soul, I love the music we make more than literally anything. I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be famous, I really do not care if no-one ever hears our music, and I could care less if people think it sucks; knowing I have had the absolutely best time with my girls making it is all that I need.

Maybe my purpose was to bring these beautiful and amazing women together? I can live with that.

🌈🖤💙💚💜🌈